dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
