3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
