Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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