I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
