Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
