best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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