Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The feeling are messing with the penis
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
