These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
