I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
