if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
