Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
