I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
