I swear she didn't look like that last week.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
