She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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