DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
