Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
