I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
