Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
