It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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