I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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