Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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