everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
