You really coming over, don't trick.
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
