you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
