I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
