Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
