I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
