you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
