I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
