did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
