he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
