saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
