loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
