It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
