So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
