the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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