Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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