if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She's like a pop up book from hell.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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