Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
