Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I could make wine with my vomit
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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