A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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