I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
