apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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