if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
