I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
