Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
