I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
