I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
