do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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