ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
