Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
